{"id":4632,"date":"2026-05-24T20:34:09","date_gmt":"2026-05-24T20:34:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/?p=4632"},"modified":"2026-05-24T20:34:09","modified_gmt":"2026-05-24T20:34:09","slug":"me-vjen-keq-por-pse-me-fal-nuk-vlen-asgje-kur-pas-saj-vjen-kjo-fjale","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/?p=4632","title":{"rendered":"\u201cM\u00eb vjen keq, por\u2026\u201d: Pse \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d nuk vlen asgj\u00eb kur pas saj vjen kjo fjal\u00eb"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\u201cM\u00eb vjen keq, por\u2026\u201d: Pse \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d nuk vlen asgj\u00eb kur pas saj vjen kjo fjal\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n

Psikolog\u00ebt thon\u00eb se nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfalje e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk k\u00ebrkon justifikime, nuk faj\u00ebson tjetrin dhe nuk mbaron me nj\u00eb \u201cpor\u201d.<\/p>\n\n

Nj\u00eb \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d nuk vlen asgj\u00eb n\u00ebse pas saj vjen fjala \u201cpor\u201d. Kjo lidh\u00ebz e vog\u00ebl \u00e7do pendim t\u00eb sinqert\u00eb e shnd\u00ebrron n\u00eb nj\u00eb sulm t\u00eb ri, nd\u00ebrsa personin tjet\u00ebr e l\u00ebndon m\u00eb shum\u00eb sesa vet\u00eb veprimet q\u00eb \u00e7uan n\u00eb konflikt.<\/p>\n

Arti i k\u00ebrkimfaljes s\u00eb sinqert\u00eb dhe n\u00eb koh\u00ebn e duhur \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb lloj lubrifikuesi q\u00eb i mban n\u00eb l\u00ebvizje marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet e sh\u00ebndetshme, qoft\u00eb n\u00eb \u00e7ift, n\u00eb miq\u00ebsi apo n\u00eb familje. Pa k\u00ebt\u00eb aft\u00ebsi, konfliktet mbeten t\u00eb ngulitura n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie dhe gradualisht e d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb at\u00eb nga brenda.<\/p>\n

Nj\u00eb \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d e sinqert\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb tep\u00ebr sesa mir\u00ebsjellje e zakonshme. Ajo k\u00ebrkon guxim dhe p\u00ebrballje me pap\u00ebrsosm\u00ebrin\u00eb ton\u00eb.<\/p>\n

P\u00ebr m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn se si duhet k\u00ebrkuar falje dhe si ruhet af\u00ebrsia n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie flet dr. David Wexler, psikolog klinik dhe psikoterapeut nga San Diego, i cili p\u00ebr dekada \u00ebsht\u00eb marr\u00eb me marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie konfliktuoze dhe dhun\u00eb familjare, transmeton Telegrafi.<\/p>\n

Pse \u201cm\u00eb fal, por\u2026\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb fakt nj\u00eb akuz\u00eb e re<\/h4>\n

Pengesa kryesore p\u00ebr nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfalje t\u00eb sinqert\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nevoja e njer\u00ebzve p\u00ebr t\u00eb mbrojtur egon e tyre.<\/p>\n

\u201cKur thoni: \u2018M\u00eb vjen keq q\u00eb b\u00ebrtita ndaj teje, por ti nuk m\u00eb d\u00ebgjoje\u2019, ju n\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk po k\u00ebrkoni falje, por po k\u00ebrkoni justifikim p\u00ebr sjelljen tuaj\u201d, shpjegon dr. David Wexler.<\/p>\n

Sipas tij, nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfalje e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb fokusohet vet\u00ebm te sjellja e personit q\u00eb po k\u00ebrkon falje.<\/p>\n

\u201cK\u00ebrkimfaljet jan\u00eb p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb keni b\u00ebr\u00eb ju, prandaj mos u p\u00ebrpiqni fshehurazi t\u2019ia kaloni fajin personit tjet\u00ebr. Dhe mos prisni asgj\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebmbim. Detyra e tyre nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u2019ju falin derisa t\u00eb jen\u00eb gati, n\u00ebse ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb do t\u00eb jen\u00eb\u201d, thekson ai.<\/p>\n

Ai shton se empatia ndaj dhimbjes s\u00eb personit tjet\u00ebr \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore.<\/p>\n

Vet\u00ebrespekti si baz\u00eb p\u00ebr pranimin e gabimit<\/h4>\n

Psikologu shpjegon se q\u00ebllimi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb vendimtar p\u00ebr nevoj\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar falje. Edhe n\u00ebse nuk kemi dashur t\u00eb l\u00ebndojm\u00eb dik\u00eb ose nuk kemi qen\u00eb t\u00eb vet\u00ebdijsh\u00ebm p\u00ebr ndikimin e veprimeve tona, k\u00ebrkimfalja s\u00ebrish \u00ebsht\u00eb e nevojshme.<\/p>\n

Megjithat\u00eb, p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb nevojitet stabilitet i brendsh\u00ebm.<\/p>\n

\u201cP\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar falje me sukses, duhet t\u00eb keni nj\u00eb platform\u00eb t\u00eb fort\u00eb vet\u00ebrespekti, q\u00eb t\u00eb mos shembeni nga turpi. Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb vet\u00ebrespekt t\u00eb keni, aq m\u00eb mir\u00eb mund ta p\u00ebrballoni goditjen ndaj egos, sepse pranimi i gabimeve nuk ju b\u00ebn njeri t\u00eb d\u00ebshtuar apo t\u00eb p\u00ebrbuzur. Vet\u00ebm njeri t\u00eb pap\u00ebrsosur\u201d, kujton dr. Wexler.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Kat\u00ebr elementet e nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfaljeje t\u00eb mir\u00eb<\/h4>\n

Q\u00eb nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfalje t\u00eb pranohet mir\u00eb, ajo duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbaj\u00eb kat\u00ebr elemente t\u00eb pandashme.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cM\u00eb vjen keq\u201d \u2013 pa justifikime<\/strong><\/p>\n

Gjith\u00e7ka fillon me nj\u00eb fjali t\u00eb thjesht\u00eb: \u201cM\u00eb vjen keq\u201d. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb hap nuk ka vend p\u00ebr zbukurime, arsyetime apo justifikime.<\/p>\n

\u201cPa racionalizime, pa justifikime, pa shmangie. Vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb deklarat\u00eb e thjesht\u00eb se ju vjen keq dhe p\u00ebr \u00e7far\u00eb ju vjen keq\u201d, thot\u00eb psikologu.<\/p>\n

Procesi fillon me p\u00ebrshkrimin e qart\u00eb t\u00eb gabimit dhe pranimin e plot\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsis\u00eb.<\/p>\n

Dr. Wexler jep disa shembuj:<\/p>\n

\u2013 \u201cM\u00eb vjen shum\u00eb keq q\u00eb fillova t\u00eb t\u00eb tall para miqve t\u00eb tu.\u201d
\u2013 \u201cNdihem tmerr\u00ebsisht keq p\u00ebr at\u00eb afer\u00eb dhe m\u00eb vjen sinqerisht keq q\u00eb t\u00eb l\u00ebndova.\u201d
\u2013 \u201cM\u00eb fal q\u00eb harrova ta paguaj at\u00eb fatur\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMbani mend: pa \u2018por\u2019 kur k\u00ebrkoni falje. Edhe n\u00ebse partneri juaj ka gjithashtu arsye p\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar falje, k\u00ebrkimfalja e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb fokusohet vet\u00ebm te sjellja juaj\u201d, thekson ai.<\/p>\n

2. D\u00ebshmi se keni nxjerr\u00eb m\u00ebsim<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fjal\u00ebt boshe nuk kan\u00eb shum\u00eb vler\u00eb n\u00ebse personi tjet\u00ebr nuk fiton p\u00ebrshtypjen se gabimi nuk do t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritet.<\/p>\n

\u201cDuhet t\u2019i ofroni personit tjet\u00ebr d\u00ebshmi se keni m\u00ebsuar di\u00e7ka, se ka ekzistuar nj\u00eb rrethan\u00eb e p\u00ebrkohshme q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritet, ose t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn se do t\u00eb jeni m\u00eb t\u00eb kujdessh\u00ebm her\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr\u201d, k\u00ebshillon psikologu.<\/p>\n

Ai jep edhe disa shembuj:<\/p>\n

\u2013 \u201cMendoj se ndihesha e pasigurt dhe kjo ishte m\u00ebnyra ime p\u00ebr t\u2019u p\u00ebrshtatur. Nuk do ta lejoj t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritet.\u201d
\u2013 \u201cNuk ka justifikim. Gjith\u00e7ka kishte t\u00eb b\u00ebnte me mua dhe ndjenj\u00ebn se nuk po merrja mjaftuesh\u00ebm v\u00ebmendje.\u201d
\u2013 \u201cMbr\u00ebm\u00eb isha shum\u00eb me nxitim dhe nuk po i kushtoja v\u00ebmendje. Do t\u00eb filloj ta shkruaj q\u00eb t\u00eb mos harroj m\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Empatia \u2013 fokus te dhimbja e tjetrit<\/strong><\/p>\n

K\u00ebrkimfalja e sinqert\u00eb k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb dilni nga vetja dhe t\u00eb kuptoni dhimbjen e personit q\u00eb keni l\u00ebnduar.<\/p>\n

\u201cNuk ka r\u00ebnd\u00ebsi si ndiheni ju p\u00ebr gabimin q\u00eb keni b\u00ebr\u00eb, por si ndihet personi q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb l\u00ebnduar\u201d, shpjegon dr. Wexler.<\/p>\n

Sipas tij, duhet t\u00eb tregoni qart\u00eb se e kuptoni dhimbjen, ankthin ose mosbesimin q\u00eb kan\u00eb shkaktuar veprimet tuaja.<\/p>\n

\u201cTani e kuptoj sa shum\u00eb je l\u00ebnduar dhe sa e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb p\u00ebr ty t\u00eb m\u00eb besosh s\u00ebrish\u201d, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb nga m\u00ebnyrat q\u00eb ai rekomandon.<\/p>\n

Ai shton se duhet ta d\u00ebgjoni dhimbjen e personit tjet\u00ebr dhe t\u2019i tregoni se kjo nuk do t\u2019ju \u201crr\u00ebshqas\u00eb nga mendja\u201d.<\/p>\n

4. Ndryshimi i sjelljes \u2013 veprat flasin m\u00eb shum\u00eb se fjal\u00ebt<\/strong><\/p>\n

Prova p\u00ebrfundimtare e sinqeritetit nuk gjendet te fjal\u00ebt, por te ajo q\u00eb ndodh m\u00eb pas.<\/p>\n

\u201cT\u00eb gjitha q\u00ebllimet e mira n\u00eb bot\u00eb nuk vlejn\u00eb asgj\u00eb n\u00ebse pala tjet\u00ebr nuk sheh me kalimin e koh\u00ebs se ju v\u00ebrtet keni nxjerr\u00eb m\u00ebsim nga gabimi\u201d, thot\u00eb psikologu.<\/p>\n

Ai thekson se nuk k\u00ebrkohet p\u00ebrsosm\u00ebri absolute, por d\u00ebshmi se situatat problematike tani trajtohen ndryshe dhe m\u00eb mir\u00eb.<\/p>\n

\"\"\/ <\/p>\n

\u00c7far\u00eb nuk duhet b\u00ebr\u00eb: 7 m\u00ebnyra t\u00eb gabuara p\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar falje<\/h4>\n

Dr. Wexler paralajm\u00ebron p\u00ebr gabimet m\u00eb t\u00eb zakonshme q\u00eb e shnd\u00ebrrojn\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfaljen n\u00eb fars\u00eb.<\/p>\n

1. Empatia e rreme<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fjali si:<\/p>\n

\u2013 \u201cM\u00eb vjen keq q\u00eb ndihesh k\u00ebshtu.\u201d
\u2013 \u201cM\u00eb vjen keq n\u00ebse t\u00eb l\u00ebndoi kjo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sipas tij, shpesh e b\u00ebjn\u00eb personin tjet\u00ebr t\u00eb ndihet sikur po reagon tep\u00ebr ose \u00ebsht\u00eb tep\u00ebr i ndjesh\u00ebm.<\/p>\n

2. Gjuha agresive e trupit<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fjal\u00ebt mund t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb sakta, por mungesa e kontaktit me sy ose toni sarkastik e shkat\u00ebrrojn\u00eb \u00e7do k\u00ebrkimfalje.<\/p>\n

3. Pritja e \u201cmomentit perfekt\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMomenti perfekt nuk ekziston. Koha m\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb k\u00ebrkuar falje \u00ebsht\u00eb sapo ta kuptoni se keni gabuar\u201d, k\u00ebshillon ai.<\/p>\n

4. Q\u00ebndrimi mbrojt\u00ebs<\/strong><\/p>\n

Shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz p\u00ebrpiqen t\u00eb gjejn\u00eb gabime te partneri ose t\u00eb kujtojn\u00eb raste kur pala tjet\u00ebr ka b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb, vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr ta larguar v\u00ebmendjen nga p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsia e tyre.<\/p>\n

5. Mosd\u00ebgjimi i v\u00ebmendsh\u00ebm<\/strong><\/p>\n

K\u00ebrkimfalja nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm shqiptim fjal\u00ebsh, por proces q\u00eb k\u00ebrkon t\u00eb d\u00ebgjoni personin tjet\u00ebr.<\/p>\n

\u201cDuhet t\u00eb jeni gati t\u00eb p\u00ebrballeni me zem\u00ebrimin dhe dhimbjen e partnerit\u201d, thekson psikologu.<\/p>\n

6. Pritja e faljes s\u00eb menj\u00ebhershme<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nj\u00eb nga m\u00ebsimet m\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb kuptoni se k\u00ebrkimfalja nuk garanton falje automatike.<\/p>\n

\u201cJu mund t\u00eb b\u00ebni vet\u00ebm p\u00ebrpjekjen m\u00eb t\u00eb sinqert\u00eb. Partneri mund t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb ende gati t\u00eb fal\u00eb\u201d, kujton ai.<\/p>\n

7. K\u00ebrkimfaljet e tep\u00ebrta dhe banale<\/strong><\/p>\n

Disa njer\u00ebz k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb falje p\u00ebr \u00e7do gj\u00eb, edhe kur nuk kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb asgj\u00eb t\u00eb gabuar.<\/p>\n

\u201cKjo sjellje b\u00ebhet irrituese dhe i zbeh k\u00ebrkimfaljet e v\u00ebrteta\u201d, p\u00ebrfundon dr. David Wexler.<\/p>\n

N\u00eb fund, her\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr kur t\u00eb gaboni, kujtojeni k\u00ebt\u00eb: hiqeni \u201cpor\u201d-in, jini t\u00eb pranish\u00ebm dhe l\u00ebrini veprat ta d\u00ebshmojn\u00eb me koh\u00eb sinqeritetin tuaj. \/Telegrafi\/<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cM\u00eb vjen keq, por\u2026\u201d: Pse \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d nuk vlen asgj\u00eb kur pas saj vjen kjo fjal\u00eb Psikolog\u00ebt thon\u00eb se nj\u00eb k\u00ebrkimfalje e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nuk k\u00ebrkon justifikime, nuk faj\u00ebson tjetrin dhe nuk mbaron me nj\u00eb \u201cpor\u201d. Nj\u00eb \u201cm\u00eb fal\u201d nuk vlen asgj\u00eb n\u00ebse pas saj vjen fjala \u201cpor\u201d. Kjo lidh\u00ebz e vog\u00ebl \u00e7do pendim t\u00eb sinqert\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4633,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"tmauthors":[],"class_list":["post-4632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4632"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4632\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4632"},{"taxonomy":"tmauthors","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/illyrianinfo.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftmauthors&post=4632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}